Thank you for the excellent advice Jeroen!
Yes, I did drop the neck and and shoulder points 3/8"
I think I know what caused the pooling in the back of the neck. When Rory drafted the pattern in the video series, he took off i think 3/8" or so at the center back neck because he has a forward head posture. I did the same because I thought my posture was similar, but I don't think I should have.
Anyways, I followed your advice and raised the shoulder points for my higher right shoulder. I also added about 1/4" to the front at the shoulder ( I would have done 1/2", but was running out of inlay after raising the right shoulder). I also lowered the back neck 1/2". Then I took it in the lining at the sides and a little from the center back, and I'm happy now with how it fits in the waist. I also added 1/2" to the length, taking it out of the hem. Here are some photos of the corrections.
Overall, it's looking much better. I think I will redraw the curve at the back of. the neck, so that it is a little lower in the center back neck, and curves more to meet the shoulder point. The one last thing I'm wondering about is how the front edges are still close to my neck, so maybe I will just reshape that part slightly, taking in 3"8 or so from the front edge.
Thank you for the great advice!